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So I just reread my last blog and obviously I didn't keep to my promise of writing a new blog each week. It's now been around a month since I posted that, and I'm only just sitting down to write this. University has been…demanding to say the least, and it's been wearing me down, so I haven't really had any spoons left to do anything. But as University goes back tomorrow, I know I will be swamped with stress and assignments until June so wanted to get on top of this blog now! So here I am!

I don't have a lot of time to write this before I have dinner and then head to bed, but I wanted to talk about the latest Glee episode. The theme was "acceptance" and each member of the club had to print on a plain white shirt the thing about themselves that they find hard to accept or come to terms with. For me, my shirt would read "CRPS". I decided on that word straight away, and it got me thinking. You'd think after 6 years I would have already accepted the fact that I have this incurable nerve condition and that I'll have to live with this pain for the rest of my life, but the truth is that every morning when I wake up, I have to come to terms with it all over again. My pain threshold has definitely improved since I got CRPS, but emotionally, I still find it hard to accept that everything I had hoped to achieve in my life is now compromised by this condition. I try to tell myself that I'll still be able to do everything I had wanted to - become a music therapist, travel the world, have a family - but lately my pain has been getting in the way of everything, and I'm finding it hard to imagine having a "normal" life ever again.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who struggles with accepting the cards they have been dealt in life. Whether it's getting a condition like CRPS, or losing a close friend or family member, acceptance is something that takes a lot of work and can't been achieved over night. Heck, I've been working on it for years and I've barely made any progress. I don't want this post to sound negative - I mainly want to just let people know that you're not alone. No matter how isolated you feel, there is someone out there who understands. Tonight, I just wanted to crawl up in a ball and disappear, but friends on Facebook reminded me that I'm not alone. We're going through this together.

Dinner's ready so I best go, but I'm going to do my best to write another post in the next couple of weeks. Sorry for being so inconsistent! I find writing here so therapeutic, and although it does get me thinking about some tough things, it ultimately does help. I hope everyone's having a reasonable night, and I'm sending you some gentle, pain free hugs xox

Playlist

The Organ Donor's Heart - Kim Boekbinder

Because The Origami - 8in8

What Sarah Said - Death Cab For Cutie

Unpretty / I Feel Pretty - Lea Michele & Diana Argon

The Story - Sara Ramirez

Tinkerbell - Kim Boekbinder

Not Alone - Darren Criss

Blake Says - Amanda Palmer

Judas - Lady Gaga

Against The Night - Jason Webley